Horror Movie Review: Simon Says

Simon says: Were the producers attempting a comedy, or a horror film?

Simon says: This was a bad movie.

Five college students head into the woods. Okay, been done a million times, but I’ll bite. Not for long, though, because it goes downhill soon after.

The ‘bad-guy’ is none other than Marty McFly’s father in Back to the Future. Remember him? The guy that said, “Hey Biff, take your damn hands off her.”

Is he really that scary? No. Especially when the ‘good-guy’ is a big, tough football player.

The strange ‘country’ accents didn’t quite fit in this movie. I suppose they were attempting mockery, but it just sounded dumb.  I’ve been in deep country . . . the Smokey Mountains, etc, and yes, there is a specific accent. Did this movie depict it accurately? Not really.

The plotline was paper thin and the ‘bad-guy’ just wasn’t scary. The worst part, though, is the unreasonable actions of the characters. Like I stated, was this a horror movie or a comedy?

Come on . . . can a guy really smoke that much pot? His friends are dead, he’s on the run, and he’s smoking a joint??? Then, he nearly gets killed and lights up again—it’s not even laughable.

If the makers of Simon Says were attempting horror, they failed. If they were attempting comedy, they failed miserably.

I have to ask this question: Is there a cult following for stupid horror movies?

There must be. I’m not sure how anyone could watch this movie and think it’s good. Maybe the producers and actors, although I really hope not. I hope they watched their movie and said, “Damn, we shouldn’t be making movies anymore.”

Simon Says was a waste of my time and money. Normally I would have turned it off after twenty minutes, but I’m way overdue for reviews.

I did not enjoy Simon Says—not at all. I wasn’t scared and I couldn’t find it in myself to even laugh. Boring!!!

Oh well, back to the video store.

Be careful judging a movie by its cover . . . you may get a bad one.

-Vincent Hobbes